even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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