Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
