I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
