I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
