I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
