Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize