I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I want to have your abortion
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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