dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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