don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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