I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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