I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
