we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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