pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
