I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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