Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
