Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
