I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
