we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
