So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
