why didn't you poke me back
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
