someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
