Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
