do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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