I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
