this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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