someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
