i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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