Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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