Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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