I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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