i'm signing you up for texting rehab
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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