guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
