She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
