don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
