you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
there is glitter all over my balls
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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