After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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