She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
