and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
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Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
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Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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