I'm so fucking centered right now
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
