Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
