apparently the secret to your success is patron
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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