who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Randomize
