I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
