I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
