I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
