even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
