I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
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We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
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Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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