capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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