I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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