some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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