it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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