I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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