So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
