I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
