Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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