so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
