There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
