The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
