So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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