It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize