You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
