Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
