Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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