Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
thus making me awesome and them whores
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
