That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
