FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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