It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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