I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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