I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
