Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
