fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
