i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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