It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
