saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize