Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
