just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
